Gym Lookers

Oh, the gym, how I love thee!
But how I HATE everyone else who goes there.
It seems like such a stigma attached to "fat people exercising". I feel too fat for the treadmill or elliptical, but it's obvious that I need to be there (have you seen my THIGHS?!) but I feel inadequate and uncomfortable when the person next to me watches me.
It's like "eyes forward, buddy!" but I guess you can't help but look. And as soon at they do, I immediately feel like they are pitying me for the little bit of work I am doing or they are laughing at me for not being able to go faster or work harder and I have a mini panic attack and I have to run away!
Ugh.
And I simply HATE seeing fit, trim women on a treadmill, running with the wind in their hair, their tones legs moving gracefully, arms pumping, not breaking a sweat or slowing down while I am puffing away, drenched, barely clearing a mile in less than 18 minutes.
Makes me feel like such a failure and I want to just go home and cuddle with Ben AND Jerry.
I lift weights 4-5 times a week and the guys are shameless in their blatant staring at my ass when I do lunges and squats. I've seen them stop their workout and look appreciably at my rear while I work out. I'm not flattered, I'm uncomfortable. I feel like they are critiquing my technique, even though I know their eyes aren't travelling higher than my back.
Ugh.
Why can't the gym be a happy place for me? I find myself going when it's emptiest, just so I don't have to be around others. When I "zone out", I'm fine, but it irks me when I catch someone looking. My own social awkwardness and anxiety feels crippling when at the gym while it's at its peak flow of customers.
I have stopped more than one workout to go into the locker room and take deep breaths or text my husband.
Ugh.
Post over. Thanks for reading.
(I hope it gets better, but its been 6 months and it hasn't yet)